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Medieval Wine Tour of London: A bacchic binge through time
Dr Matthew Green’s Medieval Wine Tour of London is an intoxicating romp through the city’s oenological past, a masterful blend of history, theatre and just the right amount of alcohol to make medieval hygiene standards seem tolerable. The post Medieval Wine Tour of London: A bacchic binge through time appeared first on The Drinks Business.
London: a city of soaring ambition, blue-eyed boys in finance, and – in the 14th century – a place where one could be legally force-fed soured wine as a punishment for tampering with the nation’s most sacred import.
Dr Matthew Green’s Medieval Wine Tour of London is an intoxicating romp through the city’s oenological past, a masterful blend of history, theatre and just the right amount of alcohol to make medieval hygiene standards seem tolerable.
By the tour’s end, several goblets deep, we find ourselves staring out at the Thames, contemplating the sheer volume of wine that once coursed through the city, lubricating its markets, its politics and its inevitable executions. While today’s Malbec-in-a-bag would have scandalised a 14th-century vintner, it’s hard not to admire the medieval approach: drink lavishly, punish accordingly and never trust a wine that doesn’t come in a jewel-encrusted trough.
Next up was a Grenache blend from France, because one mustn’t stray too far from Gascony – the jewel in England’s vinous crown. This 2023 rosé is crisp, dry and evocative of lazy afternoons on the Mediterranean coast, a far cry from the brackish Thames into which thousands of gallons of spoiled wine were unceremoniously dumped.
The final act was an Argentinian Malbec, bagged for our convenience – because nothing says medieval authenticity like a wine that promises to remain drinkable for a month. Dark fruit, spice and a whisper of mint make it dangerously quaffable, though one must assume that its Mendoza lineage would have raised suspicion in medieval London. “What sorcery is this?” they might have cried, before promptly burning the pouch for fear of demons.
Would I recommend this tour? Absolutely. Just don’t tamper with the wine. You will be made to drink it.
Drunken justice
While modern Londoners associate alcohol with mild public embarrassment (first dates, office team building, a friend of a friend's gig), medieval Londoners took things much further. Here, we learn about the punishment of fraudulent vintners:- The convicted rogue is tied to a stake.
- They are surrounded by violently untalented minstrels (presumably the medieval equivalent of a Spotify ad you can’t skip).
- The Lord Mayor personally forces them to drink their own foul wine, then smashes the remaining bottle over their head.
Why your social status dictates your wine colour
As we progress through the city, we discover that medieval wine wasn’t just about taste – it was about hierarchy. Blue wine was the reserve of the aristocracy, dyed with lapis lazuli, a pigment so expensive that one might assume they were literally drinking their inheritance. Below them were the unfortunate souls relegated to green wine, infused with whatever foliage happened to be lying around. White wine, however, was met with even greater suspicion, thought to resemble the tears of sinners. One assumes the medieval mind would struggle to cope with today’s supermarket's finest Pinot Grigio, what with its soul-damning clarity and affordability.Vineyards in London?
We are whisked away to the remnants of medieval vineyards, a notion so alien to modern London that it feels like suggesting Canary Wharf might one day be an olive grove. Yet, English red wine was once a profound enterprise in London before the Little Ice Age put an end to the dream of home-grown claret.
By the tour’s end, several goblets deep, we find ourselves staring out at the Thames, contemplating the sheer volume of wine that once coursed through the city, lubricating its markets, its politics and its inevitable executions. While today’s Malbec-in-a-bag would have scandalised a 14th-century vintner, it’s hard not to admire the medieval approach: drink lavishly, punish accordingly and never trust a wine that doesn’t come in a jewel-encrusted trough.
The wines:
The first pour, a 2023 M&S Classics No2 Riesling from Pfalz is packed with mango, pineapple and enough citrus to make a medieval Londoner weep with joy (or scurvy). At 12% ABV, it’s a gentle start – especially when compared to the five pints a day medieval elites were throwing back with the kind of commitment usually reserved for monastic vows.
Next up was a Grenache blend from France, because one mustn’t stray too far from Gascony – the jewel in England’s vinous crown. This 2023 rosé is crisp, dry and evocative of lazy afternoons on the Mediterranean coast, a far cry from the brackish Thames into which thousands of gallons of spoiled wine were unceremoniously dumped.
The final act was an Argentinian Malbec, bagged for our convenience – because nothing says medieval authenticity like a wine that promises to remain drinkable for a month. Dark fruit, spice and a whisper of mint make it dangerously quaffable, though one must assume that its Mendoza lineage would have raised suspicion in medieval London. “What sorcery is this?” they might have cried, before promptly burning the pouch for fear of demons.
Would I recommend this tour? Absolutely. Just don’t tamper with the wine. You will be made to drink it. 
