Elon Musk’s DOGE Can’t Even Secure A Website, Let Alone The Government

Elon Musk and his supposedly 10x tech bro minions posture themselves as hardcore programming geniuses swooping in to save the budget. As it happens, these dipshits can’t build a functional website.

According to reporting from 404 Media, the official-looking DOGE.gov website — the ostensible government website that’s really an X passthrough for Musk propaganda — has been sitting wide open for anyone to push updates. You can just go over there and make it say whatever you want. Don’t worry, it appears that they’ve got read-write access to the entire federal government. Isn’t it going to be fun when these guys rewrite NORAD so anyone can log in and blast out “DEFCON 1 — Baba Booey, Baba Booey.”

Do you feel safe yet?

On its own, this might be funny — yet another example of the serious, experienced professionals at DOGE working so fast and loose that they forgot to lock the front door. The edits people playfully added are mostly innocuous, but let’s not lose sight of the big picture: this is an administration full of unserious trolls pretending they know what they’re doing while making critical, reckless mistakes.

Mindful, demure, etc.

Do not buy it when the pliant mainstream media characterize Elon Musk’s DOGE shenanigans as some sort of aggressive audit. An audit is a meticulous, professional endeavor that would take months and end with a lengthy report mapping out federal spending with a thorough understanding of the domino effects that any change could trigger. By contrast this is a game of oversized Jenga down at the hipster bar… except with the foundations of Pax Americana.

Musk spent the entire week leveling unhinged vitriol against Judge Paul Engelmayer for issuing a TRO delaying DOGE for — checks notes — LESS THAN A WEEK. They’re frothing at the mouth about impeachment and it’s not even a permanent injunction! In the words of Brian Windhorst…

Because this is not an audit, it’s a speedrun. Musk and his band of merry tweebs live in a video game world and it shows. Lonely teen nerds running a macabre reverse speed dating service making people interview to not be laid off and find Love in the Time of Cholera by bringing cholera back. The speedrun mindset is all about getting to the finish line no matter how much violence it does to the game itself. It’s why the speedrun community is rife with people trying to use cheat codes and why Musk keeps trying to warp through the walls of multiple statutes.

Figuring out a speedrun involves a lot of reckless trial and error. Normally the only consequence is having to hit reset. This time it’s losing America’s status as the global reserve currency. Potato, po-tah-to.

DOGE’s incompetence is more feature than bug. One of its boy geniuses publicly posted about using random, unvetted AI algorithms to convert massive amounts of data raising the specter of a data breach of epic proportions. Then it seems they went ahead and did that with Department of Education data.

Cybersecurity should be the hottest tech topic for lawyers in 2025. When I said that a few months ago, the new administration had already committed to starting a trade war with America’s most technologically advanced adversaries while simultaneously threatening to ditch the global cyber regime, slash the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, and put Kristi Noem in at Homeland Security despite being the only governor who turned down FREE cybersecurity money. Even I hadn’t contemplated that they’d start futzing with the entire stockpile of confidential government information. It’s only a matter of time before they wander into the DOJ’s systems, jeopardizing ongoing criminal investigations by blasting out a sick meme about Big Puss wearing a wire.

Enjoy decades of litigation, gang!

The charitable reading is that these dorks built an easily hacked publicity website because they’re SO BUSY on the important stuff. Perhaps. But given that DOGE’s dear leader can’t stop Tweeting out every thought that crosses his addled brain it’s hard to believe this website was a low priority. It’s much more likely that these hardcore coders are either not as preternaturally skilled as they like to posture or that their refusal to take half a second to check their work routinely results in massive cock ups. Or both.

Either way, it’s not exactly comforting that the people with access to the entire federal government can’t even set up a basic website.

Anyone Can Push Updates to the DOGE.gov Website [404 Media]

Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter or Bluesky if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.

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